would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
