The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize