I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
