i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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