Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
