There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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