He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
