One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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