I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
