she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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