Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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