Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
