Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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