I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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