I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize