Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
