he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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