when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
