saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
