If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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