all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
