I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
