We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize