Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
