this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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