I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
