I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
