she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
