I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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