Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
