Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
