This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
