The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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