grandma shit on top of the toilet
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Randomize
