My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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