I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
