I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
