this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
