My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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