AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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