The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
