just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
