having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
