I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I checked into jail on foursquare
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
