does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
