Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
