This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
