There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
