Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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