I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
