so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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