Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
