if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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