all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
