we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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