I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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