the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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