Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
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