Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize