He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
