we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
