well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
