Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
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