last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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