she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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