oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
