I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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