OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish i was in the wii world.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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