found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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